Monday, February 23, 2009

Awakening in Addiction

It has been what seems like an eternity since I have truly been alive. A large portion of my life was devoted to one thing and one thing only. To numb my senses with a chemical aid. To walk through life, the living dead, zombified and totally alone. Dangering myself and certainly devastating the hopes of my faithful few. Putting myself first and you last. Actually you wouldn't have been last. You would have been never because I just didn't care. All the events in my life came to a pinnacle of suffering just this last December when I did more emotional and physical harm to myself and others than ever before. It really is a cliche to use the phrase, "I hit rock bottom", but i finally did. This wasn't my first time being down and out but it will definitely be my last.

Something deep and profoundly powerful is occurring inside me right now at this very moment. A feeling that I am welcoming with a wounded mind, body, and soul. Change. A glimmer of hope appeared to me and it was such a needed and deserved revelation. The natural high that I am experiencing is so beautiful that I just couldn't avoid writing about it. There is hope in addiction and I just gave in and grasped it. I guess the pure insanity finally caught up to me. Or I just hadn't suffered enough pain until recently. I believe a higher power answered my desperate and dieing prayers. A light has been switched on. And it's about damn time.