Saturday, March 21, 2009

Just another Manic...Saturday?

Over the course of the week a few things have became absolutely clear in my mind. That I can't change people! That I can't control people's sobriety! And that it really only damages me in the process. I know that it is a selfish program, A.A., but I never before understood why it has to be that way. If I worry too much about how your addiction is taking control of your life, then I am not working on my own problems. Don't get me wrong, I reach out and help anyone that asks but I can't save or rescue anyone until they want it.

A good friend of mine from high school reached out to me yesterday and I took her to her first AA meeting in like five years. I was so proud to see her stand up and get her 24 hour coin. It brought a tear to my eye. Just to see her surrender really helped me not to drink that day. Thank you so much Katie!

So it's Saturday morning and I haven't had a drink or took a drug so far. I don't plan to use today and that is all that matters. I went to a wonderful morning anniversary meeting in a town near my house called Upper Arlington. It was packed with great people. People that care about themselves, and care about me. Never in my life have I found a group of people so honest, open-minded and accepting. I fit right in with them and don't have to strive for acceptance like I had tried all my life in other circles of friends. These people get me! They don't judge me and they ask me to be there. Keep coming back right! I recently got sober but had not been fully dedicated to my program until about a month ago. I have been attending close to 14 meetings a week. The two-a-days are great because you have positive contact from so many people. God speaks to me through the group and I remind myself to keep my ears open. They tell you to take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth! Yes sir, I will.

I recently got involved in service in my Ohio Area 53 Correctional Facilities Committee. They paired me up with a gentleman serving time at Jackson Pike. I wrote my first letter to him the other day and am putting the envelope in the mail today. I have never been in the facility he's in but have heard stories of the treatment the prisoners receive. It is tragic. A buddy of mine had to kick heroin while locked up there and said it was the worst experience of his life. I guess there were three or four others trying to kick the habit, in the same cell. One toilet!! I don't know about you but when I kicked that stuff I had my own toilet and needed that thing like a diabetic needs insulin. Can you imagine going through withdraws around a group of people that could quite possible attack you at any moment. I am thankful that we have ADAMH because they funded my stay at a rehab named Mary Haven last year in August 2008. Speaking of rehab. I was always the type of person that thought I needed some expensive treatment center with 5-star service to get me off drugs and booze. Boy was I wrong. My first rehab stay was in 2002 at a place called FOCUS in Maumee, Ohio. Right outside Toledo, and it wasn't cheap. What I found at Mary Haven was hope. I remember them asking me, "Do you think you have suffered enough yet?" I honestly didn't know. I had never thought of it like that. I have lost jobs, friends, braincells, cars, apartments, respect, freedom, etc. and not until that counselor put it like that, did I realize that I needed a break.

I have been rambling on and on. I hope reading some of my thoughts helped you to understand where I am at right now. I always search the web logs for people in sobriety so if you are one of those people leave me a comment and direct me to your page so I can hear you experience, strength and hope. I believe in positive people and positive feedback, but I also believe in constructive criticism. Without that I wouldn't be here and would be locked up, 6-feet deep or squatting somewhere in Columbus.