Saturday, March 21, 2009

Just another Manic...Saturday?

Over the course of the week a few things have became absolutely clear in my mind. That I can't change people! That I can't control people's sobriety! And that it really only damages me in the process. I know that it is a selfish program, A.A., but I never before understood why it has to be that way. If I worry too much about how your addiction is taking control of your life, then I am not working on my own problems. Don't get me wrong, I reach out and help anyone that asks but I can't save or rescue anyone until they want it.

A good friend of mine from high school reached out to me yesterday and I took her to her first AA meeting in like five years. I was so proud to see her stand up and get her 24 hour coin. It brought a tear to my eye. Just to see her surrender really helped me not to drink that day. Thank you so much Katie!

So it's Saturday morning and I haven't had a drink or took a drug so far. I don't plan to use today and that is all that matters. I went to a wonderful morning anniversary meeting in a town near my house called Upper Arlington. It was packed with great people. People that care about themselves, and care about me. Never in my life have I found a group of people so honest, open-minded and accepting. I fit right in with them and don't have to strive for acceptance like I had tried all my life in other circles of friends. These people get me! They don't judge me and they ask me to be there. Keep coming back right! I recently got sober but had not been fully dedicated to my program until about a month ago. I have been attending close to 14 meetings a week. The two-a-days are great because you have positive contact from so many people. God speaks to me through the group and I remind myself to keep my ears open. They tell you to take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth! Yes sir, I will.

I recently got involved in service in my Ohio Area 53 Correctional Facilities Committee. They paired me up with a gentleman serving time at Jackson Pike. I wrote my first letter to him the other day and am putting the envelope in the mail today. I have never been in the facility he's in but have heard stories of the treatment the prisoners receive. It is tragic. A buddy of mine had to kick heroin while locked up there and said it was the worst experience of his life. I guess there were three or four others trying to kick the habit, in the same cell. One toilet!! I don't know about you but when I kicked that stuff I had my own toilet and needed that thing like a diabetic needs insulin. Can you imagine going through withdraws around a group of people that could quite possible attack you at any moment. I am thankful that we have ADAMH because they funded my stay at a rehab named Mary Haven last year in August 2008. Speaking of rehab. I was always the type of person that thought I needed some expensive treatment center with 5-star service to get me off drugs and booze. Boy was I wrong. My first rehab stay was in 2002 at a place called FOCUS in Maumee, Ohio. Right outside Toledo, and it wasn't cheap. What I found at Mary Haven was hope. I remember them asking me, "Do you think you have suffered enough yet?" I honestly didn't know. I had never thought of it like that. I have lost jobs, friends, braincells, cars, apartments, respect, freedom, etc. and not until that counselor put it like that, did I realize that I needed a break.

I have been rambling on and on. I hope reading some of my thoughts helped you to understand where I am at right now. I always search the web logs for people in sobriety so if you are one of those people leave me a comment and direct me to your page so I can hear you experience, strength and hope. I believe in positive people and positive feedback, but I also believe in constructive criticism. Without that I wouldn't be here and would be locked up, 6-feet deep or squatting somewhere in Columbus.


namaste said...

hi christopher. congratulations on your journey of recovery. you are right, the journey is about you, not others. people get help when they are ready to. selfish of us to realize, but oh so excellent. i too, am on a recovery journey.

thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving such an open, honest comment. feel free to come again or stop on my other blog,



Joe said...

Keep writing, keep doing what you need to do to stay sober, and take care of yourself.