A few weeks ago I was invited to go out for lunch with a couple colleagues from work. When first asked to go I quickly made up an excuse to why I would not be able to. I used the old, 'don't want to be late for work' excuse. But then at the last minute I changed my mind and decided to just do it. This girl that I was interested in was going and there was also something telling me that I needed to get off my ass and just go.
I am not usually the type to see anyone outside of work. But something was telling me to just get to know this girl. She is so pretty, so smart, so kind and I think is just a good person deep down.
Lunch was great and a day later I asked if she would like to go to the movies with me. She said yes. So for our first date we went to see Shutter Island. Very freaky movie but I thought it was edited to the highest visual standard possible. The whole first date thing is nerve racking and I don't think I was really paying any attention to the movie. My main objective was so hold her hand and maybe give her a kiss on the cheek. But for the life of me I could not build up enough courage.
I have never been in a relationship with a woman like this. She has never done drugs and doesn't have a problem with alcohol. She rides horses and likes the outdoors. She has the kindest heart and just has the most amazing spirit. A few months back I just gave up my search for a possible girlfriend/friend. I just decided that if something was supposed to happen then it definitely won't be on my time table. And I was right. Right when I decided to stop looking so hard and stop trying to make myself seem so available or desperate, she came into my life. What a gift sobriety has been.
One of the biggest and best things about my life now is that I don't have to abuse women. Nowhere does it say that I am required to control her or take advantage of her good nature. It isn't written anywhere that I am required to hit, slap, push, abuse, belittle, antagonize, diminish, punish, devastate, persecute, reprimand, etc etc etc. My job is to be a good man and be a good person to her. My job is to stay sober one day at a time. She will only see the sober Chris. Just for today. She will not have to deal with the manipulative prick of my past. Thank goodness.
God really is good! He/She never stops amazing me. The littlest thing is the biggest blessing.