Thursday, October 7, 2010

working an honest program..

I sit here at a kiosk in a public library right down the street from my apartment I share with a beautiful, and pregnant girlfriend. For some reason I am having a difficult time trying to figure out what to write to you about. Do I want to talk about how I stuck my neck out for a young girl I saw get punched in the face by her abusive boyfriend, two weeks ago? Do I talk about what living with a pregnant woman is like? Should I talk about how I feel about sponsoring alcoholics in a program of recovery? All those things would be wonderful things to talk about. But I thought of something much better to talk about... MY PROGRAM.

The program that I try to work has been gaining steam for the past few months. Ever since I decided that I didn't want to live like a mushroom, growing in the dark on a big pile of shit. That is no fun. If you know what I am talking about you will quite possibly agree with me.

I was sitting in a meeting in a neighboring town and just gave up trying to run the show. I was tired.. My girlfriend was probably tired, but she is tired anyways because she is pregnant. I made the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of my higher power as I understand him/her/it. Some days I forget that I gave my program up to a creative intelligence that is much greater than me, and try to take the reins back.. but days like today I take great satisfaction in the fact that I can flow with the current of life instead of struggling against its endless and powerful flowing energy.

I am glad I am not the all knowing, all seeing creative energy driving all living and non-living beings in this realm. Can you imagine how tired I would be then? I don't even want to think about it.

1 comment:

DJ FM said...

Been in recovery now for almost 11 months myself. Yours is "officially" the first blog I've come across (since starting my blog exactly 30 minutes ago), and my first "official" follow :) Glad it was this entry I saw. I'm trying to make it as a producer, musician and artist in a scene which, front-to-back, top-to-bottom is loaded with temptation. I'll keep the faith if you will...